Flying in Style - what's not so GREAT about flying.

<---- WOW! HOW FUN DOES THAT LOOK!

22/12/08

I sit in an abandoned airport. Well, it could be abandoned. Easily. We could just go back in time and decide to take our time. Decide not to rush, travel leisurely. Go on long boat trips, watch the sea and the waves from our compartments. We could spend days in a car stopping at interesting places, seeing the world. Not escaping it miles up in the sky.

It might be spectacular watching the world from above, looking down at fields of poppy and tiny dots that appear to be ants but are in fact just more of us. But being stuffed in a metal container with hundreds of smelly, rushing, impatient people does not satisfy me in the way a nice long car drive would. It’s the mentality of going from A to B without enjoying the ride. When did we decide that we would cut out the excitement of travelling? Or not even that. Just enjoying every moment. I don’t mind flying. In fact I think its brilliant. I just find it so annoying watching people dragging their suitcases, gritting their teeth, running up and down corridors. Worst of all I hate being one of those people.

Flights in massive planes are decorated to look like its actually enjoyable. Here are a few things that don’t make flying top of the pops right now:

1. The windows. Those tiny little plastic windows,(that usually have some poor sodding fly stuck in them); we look out the tiny windows wishing we were actually out there, feeling a little claustrophobic while some fat bloke pushes into your ribs with his overgrown elbow while trying to read The Sun. Which is worst because he’s probably drooling all over you while staring at page 3. ‘Oh Ar. ‘
2. The toilets are rubbish. Half the time you’re afraid of what button to press in case you’ll be sucked into the black hole of the toilet. Where the hell would it take me? *Shiver* Using the toilet always seems to include some sort of acrobatic movement as well. I don’t want to do exercise while the call of nature awaits me. Please make the toilets so that a normal sized human being can actually turn around in it without having to lift their hands in the air like a lunatic.
3. The food on a little happy tray that makes everything ok. No. It’s hard to eat from those things. The salt tastes rubbish. And so does the food most the time. And it takes ages to get cleaned up once you’ve finished it. So you sit staring at some ghastly food remnants for at least a quarter of an hour. Bah Humbug.
4. “Hooray! There’s a film on!” Except I’ve seen it about 3 times and it’s on a tiny screen two seats down with light reflecting off it into your eyes. So you can’t actually see it and it annoys you. Oh yeah, half the time the bloody headphones don’t work either. Spot on.
5. Those annoying passengers who think its great to tell you their life story. Don’t know you, don’t care. I’m tired. Now please just go away.
6. That stupid curtain that separates Business Class and Economy class. Clearly Business Class people (and it’s not like I haven’t travelled in Business class before, but the principle of the curtain is just so ludicrous) have better smelling shit than everyone else because Economy class travellers in row eight HAVE to go to the back to use THAT toilet even if there are 6 people in the cue. Just piss off with your stupid rules. Grr.
7. Doesn’t the plane also smell a little weird? Maybe that’s just me but next time see if you notice…

Enough for now.


I sip on my tea, look around, browse the shops. Or spend an hour writing reasons why flying can be annoying. If I’m in a hurry I try hard not to put on those ridiculous faces that everyone around seems to be pulling! I mean in what way does it help you, making a face like that, other than assisting you in making yourself look like a complete twat? But that’s ok, keep pulling these faces people! For it makes me laugh and enjoy my tea that little bit more. I’m sure I’ve made plenty people smile at my ridiculously rushing-from-A-to-B face. Perhaps it should be compulsory for everyone to wear fake moustaches while flying. It would make the world a better place and disguise those ridiculous ‘I’ve-just-had-someone-put-something-somewhere-they-shouldn’t-have’ faces.

Well, here I am waiting for my flight home. Unfortunately I’ve left my fake moustache in my other trousers. Oh well. Next time. Maybe it’s time for my Godzilla mask. Oh yes indeed.

Happy Travelling to all!

Things.

5 Things that annoy me:

1. The crackling of plastic bags when trying to concentrate. Or just any time really.
2. Flies in my face.
3. Freezing cold rooms.
4. Queues. Can't stand them.
5. When the shower is dripping and not powerful enough and/or when the heat of the shower changes every other second.

5 things i love right now:

1. Mariocart on the Wii.
2. The fact that Halloween is coming up which gives us a chance to dress up ridiculously.
3. My short hair. It's so easy to wash and look after.
4. The game 'forgotten warrior' on my phone. oh yes.
5. A drink called 'evil zombie', which consists of absinthe and 7 different types of rum. Yarrr.

Unwanted sounds: a little bit of a solution - Sennheisers!

You're on a plane or a bus. You're in a room with the sound of people echoing off the walls. But you want a little peace while listening to your music, or you just want the massive humming sound in the background to disappear! Even if it won't make the 'unwanted sounds' vanish completely, a good Sennheiser headphone can take you to bliss from naught to 0.01 seconds. Just push a button and voila! : oblivious to all.

Ever since my dad bought me my nifty Sennheiser's, listening to music has been more of a pleasure than ever. I push the button and the annoying baby that has been screaming at the back of the bus has jumped out the window for all I care. Turn the bass up, rest your head and the rest is history. I'm writing this to all those people who hate those sounds at certain times and cannot find a better solution than sticking their fingers in their ears or using ear plugs. Mine says (on the packet - it is a PXC 150) that it reduces outside sounds by 70%. Don't be misguided however. It's not like the minute you push the button you'll be deaf as a rock. You'll notice the difference though...one that will make your journey and your music listening experience a better one. Honestly people. Go get one. It's worth it.

Thankyou Sennheiser. You make life just a little bit better.

Turkish-EnglishTranslation/Interpretation/Editing -- Türkçe-İngilizce Tercümanlık/ Redaksiyon

This is to let individual people and/or companies know that I can translate/edit documents or anything that is needed from Turkish to English. If you are interested with this service please contact me on melissaclissold@gmail.com and we can discuss details.

Kişi veya şirketler için Türkçeden-İngilizceye tercümanlık/redaksiyon yapılır. Yararlanmak istiyorsanız veya bilgilenmek istiyorsanız lütfen melissaclissold@gmail.com a e-posta atın.

The Monkey Island Series: The Best Games Ever Created!

I'm sure any child growing up in the 90s will remember Monkey Island. Monkey Island 1, released in 1990 by LucasArts, is to this day, the best adventure game ever created. Lucasarts is well known for other adventure games such as "The Day of the Tentacle", "Maniac Mansion", "Full Throttle", "Dig", "Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis", "Grim Fandango" and much much more, but none will influence the world as Monkey Island has. Pirates, Treasure, Love, Glory! What more can one want other than names such as Guybrush Threepwood and his arch enemy the pirate LeChuck. Not only is the gameplay terriffic, the script is entertaining, the plot is gripping and the characters superb!

Plenty of websites have been dedicated to this game with fanart, fangames and the discussion of the release of Monkey Island 5! Will it ever happen? If you have not played this game I would strongly recommend it to anyone: to children, to adults and to people of all ages. Hearing the soundtrack today still brings a tear to my eye and fills the room with an unforgettable atmosphere. Filled with Insult-Sword Fighting ("I've spoken with apes more polite than you."
"I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion.") this game is perfect for any one searching for a few laughs and adventure!

Websites to look at:
http://www.scummbar.com/
http://www.worldofmi.com/
http://www.milegend.com/

Edinburgh Fringe: Bouncy Castle Dracula

This year I'm going to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival for the first time. I'm going as stage manager for "Bouncy Castle Dracula" which will be showing at Rocket @ Demarco Roxy Art House. If any of you are planning to attend or even visit the festival then you should definitely go and check this show out. It's the third show in the bouncy castle series - after "Bouncy Castle Hamlet" and "Bouncy Castle Macbeth" that were performed in the previous Edinburgh festivals. "Bouncy Castle Macbeth" was even part of Britain's got talent in 2008! The idea for the show came about from the Strolling Theatricals, a British theatre company that is located primarily in York. More information about the founder, William Seaward, and the company are available on this website:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Strolling_Theatricals

The cast and crew of "Bouncy Castle Dracula" are as follows: (AND MYSPACE PAGE FOR THE PERFORMANCE)
http://www.myspace.com/bouncycastledracula

Production Crew

• Producer - Becca Atkey
• Director - William Seaward
• Ast. Director - James Bland
• Stage Manager - Melissa Clissold
• Tech Director - Ian Williams

Cast

• Dracula - Marc Vestey
• Jonathan Harker - James Bland
• Doctor Seward - Matt Hawkins
• Professor Abraham Van Helsing - William Seaward
• Lucy Westenra - Becca Atkey
• Mina Harker - Avisha Patel
• Renfield - Paddy Fysh
• Various Parts - Rachel Niethercut
• Lord Godalming - Sean Rushton
• Quincey Morris - Stuart Lindsay

Buy your tickets at the offical Edinburgh Fringe website NOW and leave us your comments if you do come see it! :
http://www.edfringe.com/shows/detail.php?action=shows&id=1703

Glastonbury 2008!

My first festival experience and what an experience it was! From sleeping at 5am with music still blaring out from across the ground, to waking up at 7am because of the heat in the tent, the experience of the toilets (especially the she-pees...some bad times), the lack of showering (or wet-wipe showers in fact), from walking around and seeing any colour and shape and form around, to great shows and absolutely brilliant music, to campfires and ready-to-go bbqs...i think this was one of the happiest and most peaceful times of my life. Here are a few photos. And you got be sure I'll be going every year from now on if I can! =)

Review - Sexing The Cherry:Jeanette Winterson

My review on Sexing the Cherry by Jeanette Winterson on the Yorker website. (Student paper)


The following extract is from the website above:

Review by Melissa Clissold

Sexing the Cherry is a vibrant novel that explores the delicacies of human nature through crossing the strict boundaries of space, time and gender that are so readily accepted in today's society.

Set in the seventeenth century around the beheading of Charles I and the Puritan revolution, the novel sets out to discover the confusing relationships between human beings and to transcend all stereotypical views. In this novel, Jeanette Winterson truly captures the essence of love and discovery.

The work mainly focuses on the relationship between Jordan, an explorer, and his mother Dog-Woman, a large and physically grotesque woman. With elements of magical realism and with the twisting of traditional fairy tales such as The Twelve Dancing Princesses, the novel delves into the absurdity of life. Jordan constantly searches for his “love” - one of the Twelve Dancing Princesses - while his mother constantly awaits his return. It seems there is a discovery to be made for the readers as well as the characters. One never knows which direction life will lead and must somehow be open to all possibilities. This is the message that Winterson attempts to put across: even though Jordan finds his love while on his explorations, he is rejected and it is this rejection that allows possibilities to flourish.

Winterson depicts her characters in unconventional ways. As the novel progresses the reader comes to accept, and even embrace, the unconventional portrayals as Winterson surpasses ideas of conformity and social acceptance. Dog-Woman’s ugly appearance and the murdering princesses in particular allow the reader to embrace things that at first they would perhaps be averse to.

Elements of feminism are present in the novel as most female characters are presented as stronger than their male counterparts. Furthermore, Jordan is also depicted as a figure searching for his feminine side and portrayed as loving and attached to his grotesque mother. These subtleties allow any reader to question social values that seem to lose more and more importance as the novel develops.

Winterson herself states that: “I wanted to build another word-dependent world, not restricted either by realism or contemporaneity.” Her reason for setting the piece in the past is exactly for this: to escape reality and portray a world which is free of all restraints.

Readers must be prepared for a magical journey full of descriptions of the colourful intricacies and depictions of the beauties of life. These are brought to life through Winterson’s imaginative metaphors of juicy fruits – which are used as pathways to exotic and unknown lands.

Review: The End of Mr. Y-Scarlett Thomas

This novel by Scarlett Thomas was a very exciting read. It's about a PHD student who finds a very rare book that is supposedly cursed. She stumbles upon the book in a second-hand book store and from then on the novel revolves around this character and her unexpected journey. It explores the ideas of the intricacies of consciousness, the theories of the beginning of the universe and provides references that allow the reader to want to go and research alchemy, quantum physics and symbolology! =) That said, I recommend this book to anyone who wants another perspective on life and who wants to venture into the unknown.